Words by me

“Would you like to go to hell?” asked the old man, “or would you like to go to heaven?”

Mike had been hurrying. The old man’s question slowed him down. Then he stopped.
“What did you…I’m just getting…lunch.” The old man looked like his long-dead dad. Busy crowds flowed around them.

“Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal saviour? If you want to go to heaven you must be born again.”
Mike walked the few steps back to the old man. “I don’t really believe in Jesus.”
The old man wasn’t surprised by Mike’s response. “Jesus died for our sins.”

Mike thought about this. “But if he did exist at all, surely he died ages ago, long before I was born – long before I even committed any sins. Believe what you like but keep me out of it.”
“Would you like to accept Jesus Christ as your personal saviour?” The old man looked in Mike’s direction without really looking at Mike.

“No. I don’t even accept that he existed.” Mike looked at his watch. He still had forty minutes of his lunch break left.

“Well,” the old man looked a bit smug, “did you know that there’s more evidence to support the existence of Jesus Christ than JFK?”

“JFK?” Mike was shocked. “That can’t be right. I’ve seen pictures of him. I’ve seen film. I’ve never seen a picture of Jesus.”

“Son,” the old man looked at Mike very intently. The old man looked slightly ill, and Mike hoped that he wouldn’t die while they chatted. “Do you ever ask yourself, ‘what would Jesus do?’?”

“I’m more likely to worry: ‘what would Zetu do?’.”

“Zootoodoo?” the old man looked around, beyond Mike, checking the crowd for anyone who might want to be saved.

“Zetu. He’s responsible for your…well, your, blockages. Your psychic disturbances. Your bad memories, bad feelings. Your mental…issues.”

The old man smiled smugly, snugly. “My child, I have nothing but joy in my heart. Certainly no mental anguish for you or Zetu to worry about. My soul is shielded by the light of the Lord.”

“That’s what you think. Would you like a free stress test?”

The old man looked up and down the avenue. All of the bustling shoppers looked silly, shallow and destined for damnation. “I know no stress. I have submitted to the greater wisdom and might of our Lord. There is peace in submission.”

Mike looked doubtful. “Yeah…we often hear this…and things like it. There are things in your past – episodes, traumatic times, maybe past lives, things that affect your mentality…we can help you with these problems. Now, would you like a free stress test?”